Just before Christmas, while sitting at my desk - aka the dining room table - I had an experience of, well, I can only describe it as 'seeing Myself; the real essence of Me. So often in life, we assume that we are our personality. I am Jennifer Crokaert. That's me, it's who I am.In that moment, it was as if I was the germ inside the kernal of wheat; not the wheat, but the very pure essence of it. Jennifer Crokaert is just the husk, the personality, and the soul is the kernal.
I had an immediate sense of my personality revealing itself to me, as if standing naked in front of a mirror: my talents and skills as well as my weaknesses, blocks and limitations were suddenly blindingly obvious. I couldn't hide from them or deny them.
While it's never comfortable to stare at our unvarnished shadow side, I also had a simultaneous feeling that we shouldn't get hung up on our failings. They exist to help us, and others, move through life, developing skills, strengths and talents in response to us, in response to the light and the shadow of our personalities.
Nor, I think, does this mean that we can become indulgent and ignore our arrogance, rudeness, anger, impatience or any other personality challenge, letting it go unchecked. It was instead, I think, a suggestion that we continue to strive to be the greatest versions of ourselves that we can be. It was an invitation to, when we respond with less than the very best of who we are, let go of the drama and weight of shame, guilt, fear and failure.
Those four emotions are our personal horsemen of the apocalypse. They drag us away from the light and essence of who we are and diminish us.
We are all, every single one of us, shining souls of love and joy, of service and laughter, of care and compassion. In those moments when that is not so evident, we deserve to shower ourselves in more love and joy, service and laughter, care and compassion.