Wednesday, 18 October 2017
Truly, deeply human
One of the women on the course shared her stumbles, her fragility, her humanity. She even noted that her back pain was an indication that something was coming forward to be healed.
I was so touched by her words because, I have back pain that is getting progressively worse over the past 10 days. Now, instead of being angry at myself for somehow causing myself pain. I can gently hold the pain, aware that it wishes to share with me some knowing that I have forgotten, so that I may heal and become more whole. I can stop beating myself up internally because I feel I failed.
Hang on, failed?? There's an interesting awareness, right there. I realise pain and illness are failures for me. I realise that I have this idea that if something manifest physically, it's because I haven't dealt with it emotionally. Perhaps that's true. Perhaps not. But how does beating myself up for that help? If anything, it stultifies, complicates and represses that which is expressing itself for healing.
When did I have to get everything right, first time? I'm attached to being the spiritual achiever, maybe even over-achiever, if I'm being honest. That's a part of me I recognise. It's an ego construct. I may not be "successful", but at least 'God' will love me if I throw everything into being a Good Person.
The down side of that is that sometimes I'm so busy trying to solve/heal/whole myself, that I'm not simply allowing the mess, the confusion, the not knowing, the lack of clarity... the humanity of myself, to simply BE.
In her writings, this woman reminded me of the raw power and deep beauty of being an 'imperfect' human. No one really believes those oh-so-perfect people anyway. The most beautiful people are deeply human, not slick perfection. Think of the Dalai Lama, Thich Nhat Hanh... the people who inspire you in your life are probably not superstars or perfectionists. I'm sure most of them are truly, deeply human: open, accepting, allowing, forgiving, present, funny enough to not take life quite so seriously. That's who our true friends are really, the people who inspire in us the best of our true selves.