Monday 21 May 2012

For better, for worse...

To reverse out onto our street from the driveway involves negotiating a significant blind spot.  I'm very conscious of it, but today I did not go carefully enough.  I completely missed the car coming from my right.  He went from one blind spot through to another as I looked left. 

Rather than slowing down and letting me out when he saw the car reversing out, he decided to race past, assuming I would see him and stop.  I didn't see him. Luckily, I did stop for the car behind him.  I could hear the shouting and swearing, but it was only when I looked left again that I saw he had stopped his car, jumped out and was calling me the most awful names I have ever been called in my life.  Ever.

So, if our thoughts create our reality, did I create this? Absolutely.  I even know how.  I'm a very cautious driver: I don't trust myself and I don't trust other drivers.  That consistent, insidious distrust and anxiety created this moment.  A shot across the bows, asking me to review my ideas about myself and other drivers.

'Don't let Fear decide for you', my friend Debbie says.  Fear may not have been deciding, but anxiety has definitely been driving. 

For better or for worse, my thoughts are creating my reality.  Learning to understand this and to think more productively may take me a lifetime, but I'm committed to this path.

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