Truly, deeply human

I'm doing a course on releasing Core Issues at the moment.  I will let you know how it goes, this spiritual car wash, inside and out! 

One of the women on the course shared her stumbles, her fragility, her humanity. She even noted that her back pain was an indication that something was coming forward to be healed. 

I was so touched by her words because, I have back pain that is getting progressively worse over the past 10 days.  Now, instead of being angry at myself for somehow causing myself pain.  I can gently hold the pain, aware that it wishes to share with me some knowing that I have forgotten, so that I may heal and become more whole.  I can stop beating myself up internally because I feel I failed.

Hang on, failed??  There's an interesting awareness, right there.  I realise pain and illness are failures for me.  I realise that I have this idea that if something manifest physically, it's because I haven't dealt with it emotionally.  Perhaps that's true.  Perhaps not.  But how does beating myself up for that help?  If anything, it stultifies, complicates and represses that which is expressing itself for healing.

When did I have to get everything right, first time?  I'm attached to being the spiritual achiever, maybe even over-achiever, if I'm being honest.  That's a part of me I recognise.  It's an ego construct.  I may not be "successful", but at least 'God' will love me if I throw everything into being a Good Person.

The down side of that is that sometimes I'm so busy trying to solve/heal/whole myself, that I'm not simply allowing the mess, the confusion, the not knowing, the lack of clarity... the humanity of myself, to simply BE.

In her writings, this woman reminded me of the raw power and deep beauty of being an 'imperfect' human.  No one really believes those oh-so-perfect people anyway.  The most beautiful people are deeply human, not slick perfection.  Think of the Dalai Lama, Thich Nhat Hanh... the people who inspire you in your life are probably not superstars or perfectionists.  I'm sure most of them are truly, deeply human: open, accepting, allowing, forgiving, present, funny enough to not take life quite so seriously.  That's who our true friends are really, the people who inspire in us the best of our true selves.

Gaia: After the turbulence

Have you ever cried so hard that the pain shook you to your core?  So hard it left you utterly spent when the tears finally ceased?  And how did you feel?  Exhausted? Lighter?  Purged?  Freer?

Recently, I thought to tune into the storm-torn areas of Gaia, just as an experiment really; to see if I could sense anything.  I received a very clear message. 

It was as if Gaia had cried her heart out through the rain and the wind; she let out some of the harrowing pain she suffers, to this day, as a result of our thoughtlessness about our precious planet. 

There was a sense of deep release, of clarity and freedom mixed with profound compassion for all the beings who had suffered as a result of this release.  She has more compassion for our pain than we do for hers. 

When I consider how we ravage nature, test bombs, drill for oil and gas, and dump nuclear waste, to mention just a few of humanity's thoughtless actions, it is no surprise that our planet is in pain. 

The patience it must take to be Home for humanity!  We could learn everything from Gaia.

How do we dissolve the 3D Matrix?

What does it really mean when we are asked to dissolve the 3D Matrix so that we can live in the 5D Matrix?  How do we do that?

Because I didn't understand what what was being asked of us, I felt powerless to act, even though I really do want to do as much as possible to help create the New Earth.

I asked the Universe to clarify this for me, but there was no writing in the sky! 

Yesterday, after meditation, I decided to write even though I had no idea what to write about.  I needn't have worried, the ideas flowed and an answer unfurled its truth.

In life, our egos very often react from fear.  Our fear-based reactions then evoke the fear-based reactions of others.  As my core issue bounces off your core issue, we create a choreograhpy of stone.  The world that this creates is a hard, cruel world ruled by an invisible fear.  In that world, very little change is possible.  The 3D Matrix is like that rigid, pre-programmed choreograply. 

When we respond with love, we enter the 5D Matrix.  Now we are responding, not blindly reacting.  Now our love is bouncing off the love in others, evoking new responses and creating a dance of light and grace.

This is a very basic description of what is happening and how we can help, but that was what I needed: a simple idea that helped me understand how to dissolve the 3D Matrix in the mundane tasks of my day to day life. 

What I love about this is that it reaffirms the importance of going within, of spending some time in silence every day.  Even if we think nothing has happened, we are giving our Higher Selves a chance to speak to us, a chance to answer our questions and uplift our tired hearts. 

It also reaffirms that the eternal truth that if we act through Love, we are always in the process of creating Heaven on Earth.

The Sacred Purpose of Water

Imagine a river rushing joyfully down a valley.  As the sunshine brushes the surface, the water seems to melt into light.  Light is love.  Water is also love.  Love in action.  We need water to survive.  Without water there would be no plants, no animals, no people. Water washes everything it touches with invisible blankets of love.

Water, like love, is powerful.  When it comes to a rock in its path, it doesn’t try to move the rock, it glides around the rock covering the rock in love's blanket.  Nothing stops water returning to the ocean, to its home... Nothing stops love in its journey home to the Divine.

Water cleans, but it also blesses us, bathing us in love, sharing the transformative power of love to every cell it touches.  Every time we drink a glass of water, that shimmering love passes through us, cleansing and perfecting us on many levels. 

Where there is water - every rain drop, every stream and every ocean - there is divine love.  We live in a world literally made of love.  For so long, we were blind to the love around us.  But Divine love permeates even the seemingly mundane elements of life, left like clues to remind us of the greatest truth, hidden before our very eyes, that we Are love and we are loved.

And we are invited to be participate in this journey of love.  By consciously blessing our water as we drink, wash, bathe, swim or even sit beside it, we are increasing the love vibration of water, we are not only healing of Gaia and all beings who depend upon her, we are actively supporting the Ascension process.

Alone yet Conjoint

Like so many others, I often feel isolated on my spiritual journey, but recently I found a way to connect: not virtually, but spiritually.

After twenty years of meditation, I would have to admit, I am not an accomplished meditator. Nor am I a huge extrovert. The thought of setting up a group of like minded people with whom to share, fills me with dread. I know no one in my area who even knows about spiritual transformation and Ascension, much less building a world that works for everyone.

But recently, while meditating, I had an idea. Instead of sending out love on my own – to other light workers, to those still sleeping, to those refusing to wake up – why not set the intention to join my love with the love of all others who are also sending love with open hearts?

No sooner had this thought wandered through my mind – one of the more constructive thoughts to do so! – than I suddenly felt that the energy intensify. I felt connected. I was no longer a puzzle piece sitting on my own, I was an essential puzzle piece resting in a larger puzzle.

As the feeling expanded through me, images moved through my mind’s eye. As more and more of us join together with the intent of sending love – whether in person or simply through our intent – Love expands and amplifies. The stronger it gets, the more it dissolves the blockages that hold ourselves and others back from opening completely to divine love.

Eventually, the magnetism grows so strong that even those who sleep are swept up by Divine Love, allowing it to flow through their hearts and their lives.

Even in meditation, we are in service. Even in love, we are healing. Even on our own, we are conjoint.

Underneath my birthday suit

Just before Christmas, while sitting at my desk - aka the dining room table - I had an experience of, well, I can only describe it as 'seeing Myself; the real essence of Me.  So often in life, we assume that we are our personality.  I am Jennifer Crokaert.  That's me, it's who I am.

In that moment, it was as if I was the germ inside the kernal of wheat; not the wheat, but the very pure essence of it.  Jennifer Crokaert is just the husk, the personality, and the soul is the kernal.

I had an immediate sense of my personality revealing itself to me, as if standing naked in front of a mirror: my talents and skills as well as my weaknesses, blocks and limitations were suddenly blindingly obvious.  I couldn't hide from them or deny them.

While it's never comfortable to stare at our unvarnished shadow side, I also had a simultaneous feeling that we shouldn't get hung up on our failings.  They exist to help us, and others, move through life, developing skills, strengths and talents in response to us, in response to the light and the shadow of our personalities.

Nor, I think, does this mean that we can become indulgent and ignore our arrogance, rudeness, anger, impatience or any other personality challenge, letting it go unchecked.  It was instead, I think, a suggestion that we continue to strive to be the greatest versions of ourselves that we can be.  It was an invitation to, when we respond with less than the very best of who we are,  let go of the drama and weight of shame, guilt, fear and failure. 

Those four emotions are our personal horsemen of the apocalypse.  They drag us away from the light and essence of who we are and diminish us.

We are all, every single one of us, shining souls of love and joy, of service and laughter, of care and compassion.  In those moments when that is not so evident, we deserve to shower ourselves in more love and joy, service and laughter, care and compassion.