When I die, what would I like to be remembered for? Why would I have made a difference? What would my legacy be?
Perhaps it's full-time motherhood, perhaps it's not getting a job yet, but I'm wondering what's the purpose of my life. While James is the most incredible blessing, I just can't help wondering what I have to show for my life... perhaps at this point, I should buy a red sports car! Oh yes, no job, so no sports car - darn it, I thought that might help!
I would like to be remembered for making a real contribution to making the world a more peaceful and loving place. That's what I care about: love and peace. That is what matters to most people, once they stop thinking about the bills... or sports cars. Every one of us has an internal homing beacon, quietly calling out for peace and love.
We are looking to feel peaceful, whether that's deep self-acceptance, or trust that the universe will provide for us and that our needs will be met. And we are searching for love, to give it, to receive it and, to experience deep self-acceptance, self-love.
Identifying what truly, deeply matters to me is wonderful. But it's just a first step. I have no idea how to apply that in this world. And, more disappointingly, I find I have difficulty even summening these qualities in my own life at the moment.
Is it because society values work above all other occupations? Possibly. Being a full-time mum isn't given much kudos in society at present, which is typical of a society that undervalues what is of true import.
I have lost myself to the 'outer world' and that's the wrong place to search for love and peace. What matters, I'm learning, is the inner world. It is only within that I can create peace and love for myself, regardless of what is happening in the external world. No one and no thing can ever do that for me.
And again... Breathe in... Breathe out... Breathe in...