Wednesday 14 October 2009

Simple spirit

The search to create meaning in life is almost universal. It's why we have philosophers and poets, popstars and fairytales. It is an innate desire to understand what we are experiencing and why we are having that experience.

In my own life, I search for meaning constantly. Like a frustrated gold digger who's just missed the latest gold rush, I pan through my thoughts obsessively in an endless search for understanding, for clarity, for direction. And I'm willing to admit that this compulsion is, quite possibly, not the most productive use of mental energy.

So what exactly am I searching for? I want to understand if we are victims of fate or agents of free will; if life is pre-scripted or we have choice…

To be honest, my question is this: must I push myself relentlessly, day in day out, in order to live the life of my dreams, or if I follow the flow of my intuition (even on the days that intuition says 'Sit down and watch a comedy') I will achieve the same outcome...

Exactly how much are we supposed to struggle? And how much are we supposed to be in the 'flow'?

I simply have no idea - hence the frantic pan-handling! For some, not knowing is ok. For me, not knowing is ok, but not having a philosophy – a story, if you will – that I believe in, is intolerable.

I suspect that the search for knowledge and understanding is really a search for control, for security.

True masters can live surrendering to the present moment, releasing control and trusting that they are safe. I just have the odd moment when I come into the present moment.

Will the achievements I wish to experience by-pass me because, although I have the ideas, I lack the will to act on them in the present moment… Then again, that is just this present moment in which I lack the will to act, to do... In another present moment, I may choose to go all out to create those experiences.

I've rambled on, but that meander through my inner cast of characters, the 'Do-don't-Be OverPerformer' and the 'In-the-now Zen Monk', I feel as though I'm gaining some clarity...

Right now (!) the Zen perspective resonates more deeply. It is about a deeper ability to feel into the rhythm and flow of my own life, to sense which dreams and ideas are creating the pulse that inspires me. And then it is also about action, both doing and being. And these follow a cycle, like the seasons; at some points there is more action, in other moments there is more being. Different dreams will move from the ‘being’ into the doing - into different project – at their own time; they will move through those cycles at their own pace.

Perhaps the story that I draw from this is that life is not about being or doing; it is about sensing the deeper whisper of wisdom that guides us towards the appropriate amount of being and doing at any given moment.

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