Friday 13 July 2012

Archangels Visit - Day 3

My friend Susannah describes how, one evening, walking through a vineyard in New Zealand, she suddenly knew what she was here to do.  Her path in life was blindingly clear.

I had a similar type of experience this morning.  I was sitting wondering what to blog, I hadn't a clue what to write, so I surrendered.  I let go of my ideas and asked the Archangels what I should write.  Random thoughts swirled through my mind. 

I wondered how I would ever achieve my dream of being a spiritual writer.  Then I remembered people saying that in moments of spiritual ecstasy, they realise that they do not breathe, but they are breathed. 

"I surrender," I thought.  I surrender to the life of my soul's design.  I felt like a train, with the brakes released, flying down the tracks, around corners and over hills, the air racing past me. 

All my life I have held back, I have second guessed my impulses too often, creating many difficulties for myself along the way.  The effect has been a jerky ride, with many false starts, sideways moves and disappointed dreams.

Now this is a paradox, because on one hand, I have listened for my intuition and have followed it on every occassion that I have felt it clearly.  On the other hand, my mind is very resistant.  It appears to enjoy creating struggles, dilemmas and decisions, where really, there is no need.  My mind loved the drama.  My ego fed on drama.  My soul however, is a free-wheeling train, sliding down the track.

In all honesty, I am not sure how surrendering translates into everyday actions, or how I live a free-wheeling life.  I suspect that noticing my worries and fears, and allowing them to move on rather than believing in them and creating unnecessary tension, fear and pain, simply to feed the drama of My Life, is a good place to start.

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